so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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