I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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