we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
