I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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