good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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