I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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