You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
