I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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