Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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