So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
