I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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