is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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