The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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