I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
