i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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