I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
