I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize