1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
