my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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