it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
nutella sex= disaster
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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