I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize