i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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