Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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