Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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