Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
