I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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