Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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