I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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