What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
