Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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