just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later