best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT