Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins