Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.