So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
