I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
