Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize