What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
