I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
