well you can't waste a boner
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
