I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
