I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
