Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
