who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize