he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i think i just lost a toe
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
