I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
