As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i think i just lost a toe
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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