I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
