Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
