Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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