just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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