you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
