She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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