It's Friday. Sex?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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