i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently you make a good broom.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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