he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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