I CAN MOONWALK!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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