'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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