Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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