So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
