haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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