Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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