Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you had me at cake vodka
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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