I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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