I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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