Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
