This girl is more easily done than said...
I puked a lego.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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