At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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