I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
