I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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