I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
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It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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